Menopause the Musical!

I suppose the title of this piece describes the next phase, a new journey and a new identity. I am in peri-menopause or early menopause as the term means. Unexpectedly to myself and the IVF specialist my eggs where largely whipped out by the chemotherapy from Hodgkin lymphoma and I am in the early stages of menopause with premature ovarian failure. Failure! It was a month before my 30th birthday when I randomly went in for a blood test to identify the state and quality of my eggs, just in case I should be looking into freezing eggs in the next few years to preserve my fertility. The IVF doctor had discussed that she believed there would be minimal damage to my fertility but a blood test would be good to confirm the appropriate options for future childbearing. I breezed into the office on a cold winters day to find out the results without actually considering the possibility that my fertility may, well be up shit creek. She spent very few minutes telling me that the blood test suggested I had very low fertility and the eggs that did remain possibly weren't in the best condition and at this stage even IVF was not plausible due to eggs quality. I remember biting my lip and internally forbidding myself against breaking into tears or entering into the a diatribe about 'why this couldn't be happening, and that she had promised, well at least suggested that it was going to be ok'. I held it together clutching the piece of paper with the indices that on closer inspection and some internet research would tell me just how low my fertility was. Under 1.1, I am not actually sure what this indicator means except that under 14 is very low fertility. I went to Fitzroy gardens and sat down and cried. I cried long and hard until I got lonely and then called a few people so they could just listen to me cry. My sister was outraged, this wasn't meant to be the next phase. The next phase was always looking so bright, so normal and so dam fortunate after the cancer. I went to my sisters and we looked up the numbers meant and then I cried some more. 'You tell mum' I stated blithely, 'I ain't got the strength'. 'Maybe we could go to menopause the musical together'I joked. grim laughter. end of act one. curtains close. actors leave the stage.